Recent Episodes

  • 31. Bad Bad Booties

    Like your favourite boomerang we are back!

    Dust off your WAP-WAPPY-WAP Quote Book, plump up your favourite War and Peace themed pillow, pop on your velvet listening cape and get ready for Book 2 of the greatest novel of all time!

    We've had enough parties to make even Miley Cyrus throw in the towel.

    It's time for War...

    Well, perhaps not quite yet, but we are with some soldiers and they have some really bad booties.

  • 30. Christmas Special: The Young Tsar

    Vigorously boil your eggnog, put a mince pie in EACH hand, and get ready to experience yet another literary classic from Leo Tolstoy.

    This week we're digging deep into the Leo library to bring you one of the lesser-known Tolstoy classics - his Christmas fable 'The Young Tsar'.

    A young man has just ascended to the throne, he's making laws left right and centre, but why is everyone so drunk, and are all these floggings really in the spirit of Christmas?

    Join us as we give our moral compasses a good Christmas centring. Wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, if you're going to survive 2021, you need to hear this.

    Show notes

    War and Peace - Book 1 - Christmas specialWe'll be back with Book 2 of War and Peace on January 7th.

    Thank you for listening, sharing and contributing to the show this season - we've loved every minute of it, and we've loved hearing from everyone that's written and sent stuff in. If you haven't said hello yet - it's not too late, we'd love to hear from you - send us an email or follow us on Instagram.

    Have a great break, and we'll see you next year!

  • 29. Book 1 Catch-Up Quiz

    You've finished book 1 of War and Peace! Cue rapturous applause. Congratulations! Congratulations! You are amazing! Now what on earth happened?

    If you’ve been with us every step of the way on this monumental journey, or you’re simply a War and Peace hitchhiker wanting a quick refresh of Book 1 so you can launch yourself headfirst into Book 2, well grab a pen and some biscuits. It’s quiz time!

    We’ve got questions about war, peace, kissing, Smurfs, bears, spiders and of course Uncles! How many points can you get? There’s only one way to find out...

    Cue Game Show Music!

    Let us know how you do!

    0-5 = A real madame de genlis
    6-15 = Napoleon's Powder Monkey
    16 - 29 = You are so diplomat!
    30+ = Daniel Cooper himself

    Show notes

    Be sure to join us next week for another special episode. We'll be back with Book 2 on the 7th of January.

    And as mentioned, here is the sensational global hit "The Smurf Song" by Father Abraham, it's not to be missed:

    Additional SFX in this episode from

  • 28. Andy Pandy’s Bye Bye – Book 1 Finale!

    Peel back that pre-diced pineapple pot, fill your vape with turkish vape juice, and pop the McTurtle burgers in the microwave, because it's time to celebrate!

    Join us this week as we reach an incredible milestone - the end of War and Peace, Book 1. It's an emotional moment for us, and an emotional final chapter - Andy Pandy is off to war, but how will he concentrate with his pregnant wife at home slowly shrinking?

    The future is unclear, but one thing is certain: even if it takes 7 years, we're doing this together.

    Show notes

    Vera's truly moving rendition of spidery mouthed VeraWhat better way to end this season than with Ace Doing Art's truly haunting depiction of Vera. We don't know if Vera's mouth really is full of spiders (why won't Tolstoy tell us?!?), but if it is then this is surely what it would look like.

    Thank you Ace Doing Art for this excellent drawing, and a massive thank you again to everyone else who has sent in their creations this season. Take a look at all of them in Tolstoy's Hall of Fame or send in your own by email or Instagram.

  • 27. Napoleon is a Powder Monkey!

    It's dinner time at Nasty Nick's house and there's a politely sneezing architect at the main table... We know you'll find that hard to believe.

    "A lowly architect eating his dinner at the MAIN TABLE, WHY WHY WHY?!"

    We're just as repulsed and sickened as you are.

    Tune in this week to find out who's the biggest powder monkey and what's so special about this awful architect.

    Show notes

    We're in a palace by Cil - War and Peace in 7 Years Podcast

    Thank you to Cil for sending in this excellent drawing that we're officially calling a "meme" and so also "WAPIN7's first meme". It truly is a glorious and happy day for us all.

    But that's not all - make sure to listen to this week's episode to hear the bounty of information that was Cil's message. We're talking sexuality, we're talking red handed Pierre, and most importantly of all, we're talking War and Peace themed electropop musicals.

    As ever, Cil's drawing takes its place along with the other timeless works of art in Tolstoy's Hall of Fame. Thanks again Cil!

  • 26. Nasty Nick

    If you're familiar with British TV from the early 2000s, no doubt at this moment you have a shiver descending down your spine.

    As adrenaline floods your body and a scream emerges from your mouth, you'll be remembering Nasty Nick - the Big Brother contestant who was so, so very nasty that they added the word 'Nasty' to his name to show how nasty he was.

    "There's never been a nastier man" the world said - or has there?

    Join us this week as we discover more about the OG 'Nasty Nick' - Prince Nicholas Andreyevich Bolkonski. He's got impeccable time keeping, rigorous standards and an extremely powdery wig. All undeniably flattering features, so what makes this man so very, very nasty?

  • 25. Letter of Fortune

    What's the best letter you've ever read? Well, multiply that by a relatively large number because this letter is a serious letter and boy does it pack one hell of a punch!

    But wait! Before you can read that special letter you'll need to dust off your calculator and geometry textbook... it's time for a maths lesson, from the world's busiest man.

    Don't be late.

  • 24. Con-pleted

    We've been in the bedroom, and boy what a bedroom that bedroom was.

    Join us this week as we stand outside the bedroom once again, looking back at that closed door, remembering the endless columns and beguiling carpet.

    But as the memory of that extraordinary room teases our senses, we remember something else. Something stranger. Something unsettling.

    What exactly were Vassily and Katishe doing as they stumbled across that carpet to the Count's bed? Was there something in their hands as they flashed through the columns to the door? And when they returned - was that paper in their teeth?

    A shiver runs down your spine, something strange is going on, something even stranger than the strange lady, and she really is quite strange.

  • 23. It Really Is Unction Time!

    Remember that letter? Whomever possess it will be rewarded more serfs and rubbles than is even possible to calculate. Trust us, we tried and the numbers got so high we just sort of stopped.

    Well, it's back and someone wants it. Surely no one would have the gaul to pull off the letter heist of the century during your first ever Unction?!

    Dust off your Persian wall rugs, pour yourself a cup of steaming beef tea and get ready. It really is Unction time. We promise.

  • 22. It’s Unction Time!

    Put on your finest Unction hat, Unction gloves and little Unction shoes and get ready to administer... Unction! It's time.  Sit back and relax as the Uncle in the bedroom prepares himself for the best damn Unction-ing you've ever seen. If only we were allowed in...

    Who gets the inheritance? What’s an Unction? Who’s taller (in hams of course), Tom Cruise or Danny DeVito? Find out the answer to ONE of these questions in this week's episode.