All together now!
He's got the rights of the people, in his hands!
He's got plump white hands, for his hands!
He's got a strange way of talking, in his hands!
He's got the whole world in his hands!
We’re back! It’s officially Volume 2, it’s officially 1808, it’s officially spring. Indeed, the spring has never been springier in this spring-time spring spectacular. Peel off precisely one layer, go for a walk, and get ready to feel the full force of spring’s power.
Chirping birds - check.
Blooming flowers - check.
Talking trees - check.
This is going to be the best damn spring of your whole life.
You've been hanging on to that cliff for too long!
It's time for us to set you free and reveal the murderer! Or MURDERERS!!
This week it's all about windows and doors and locks and nails and hair but mainly windows and locks and doors and did we mention windows?!
Get ready for the payoff of to the world's FIRST detective story.
You're not going to believe it...
Move over Sherlock, pipe down Poirot, check yourself Miss Marple - there's a new detective in town and he's the real og.
This week we meet the incredible deductive mind of August Dupin - a sexy, forceful and profoundly arogant amateur detective cleaning up the streets of Paris with nothing more than his wit, his assistant and his incredible telepathic abilities.
Written by Edgar Allan Poe in 1841 it is widely considered to be the first ever detective story.
You look down at your large red powerful hands. You clench one into a fist and pump it triumphantly into the air! You've finished Book 5 of War and Peace and rightly want the world to know about.
"What next?!" You scream.
"I want more!!"
It's time to put your knowledge of Book 5 to the ultimate test. We've got questions about: bones, hands, horses, Smurfs and Freemasons.
*CUE GAMESHOW MUSIC
It's the end of Book 5 AND the end of Volume 1 of War and Peace - and there are just so many unanswered questions:
Will Denisov escape the law?
Will peace last forever?
Will the surfs ever truly be free?
Why was that hospital so awful?
Will Nicky get an arbitrary promotion for no reason in particular?
Where did all those bones come from?
Who the hell stole all the biscuits?
What was that tiny monkey butler all about?
Join us for this historic episode as we attempt to answer all or perhaps none of these questions!
Casual clothes day, dress down day, own clothes day, free dress day, non-uniform day, uniform free day, wear what you want day...
Whatever you call it, it might be a day you look back on fondly, remembering that time you wore your favourite jeans to school and everyone said "great jeans". Or perhaps it's memory you've locked deep in your memory shed because of the time you wore jeans to school and everyone else was also wearing jeans.
Or maybe, just maybe, you've no idea what we're talking about, because you always, without fail wear a uniform.
Join us this week as Nicky gets seriously sartorial as he attempts to use the power of his own clothes to save himself, his friends, and the entire world.
We've had mustard plasters, hot beef tea and leeches.
In this week's episode we can add one more questionable healthcare practice to our list: laughter
You know what they say?
"A giggle a day keeps the Doctor away!"
Be sure to bring your favourite joke book with you because we're going on a tour of the worst hospital ever and we think you might need it.
If you've assembled an IKEA cupboard or two you'll know how essential good, clear instructions are. They really can make the difference between having an attractive, sturdy cupboard, or finding yourself poisoned, shot and starving after a monumental argument.
This week we're opening a couple of WAP instructional manuals - first we'll be leafing through "How to build your first mud hut in 1000 easy steps," a simple and fun guide as relevant today as it was in the 1800s. After that we'll be creasing the pages of "Biscuits and poisoness potatoes: How to spot the difference and eat as many as possible" - an equally essential guide that litterally could make the difference between having biscuits to eat, and not having any biscuits to eat.
Don't risk being biscuitless this week - listen to the episode now.
Pierre the perfect pilgrim pleaser pleases pilgrims perfectly in this week's perfectly priceless episode of WAPIN7.
"Pierre? Perfect!? " You proudly protest!
Well yes! Pierre is a perfect, polished, patient, professional, pleasant, punctilious and perfectly perfect player and it's about time everyone knew it!