Month: March 2021

  • 42. It Has Continued!

    Goodbye, Darren, my old friend
    You were a horsey to the end
    You softly galloped on your sweet hooves
    The bravest friend that we could ever lose
    I have a vision, of you nibbling on some hay
    In the sky
    Within the barn of silence

    In restless dreams you trot alone
    Narrow fields of mud and stone
    'Neath the halo of Rostov's lamp
    You turned your collar to the Smurfs and ham
    When your eyes were stabbed by the flash of a cannon's light
    That split the night
    And shook the barn of silence

    And in the naked light you saw
    Ten thousand horses, maybe more
    Horses talking without speaking
    Horses hearing without listening
    Horses writing songs that voices never share
    No one dared
    Disturb the barn of silence

    "Hruff," said you, "You do not know
    Silence like hay only grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my hooves that I might reach you."
    But his words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the barn of silence

    And the horses bowed and prayed
    To the Smurf based god they made
    And the Papa wrote out his warning
    In the words that he was forming
    And the sign said, "The words of the horses
    Are written on the wattle's walls
    And palace halls
    And whispered in the barn of silence."

  • 41. It Has Begun!

    You'd be forgiven for thinking the beginning of the book was the beginning - oh how naive you are! 41 chapters in and now it's really time to get things started.

    The horses are primed, the ham supplies are looking good and the cannon balls have been mopped to perfection.

    One thing we hadn't thought of was the requirement of an extremely well dressed Accountant...

    Now that he's here, calculator in hand, there's really only one thing left to say -




    Show notes

    Julia's incredible drawing of Veras allegedly spider filled mouthThank you to Julia (@julia.g_rockwell) for braving the trials of time travel to send us this truly masterful image of Vera’s spider filled mouth. For legal reasons we absolutely must point out that we cannot confirm or deny whether Vera’s mouth is actually filled with spiders, but if it turns out it is, this is surely what it would look like. Thank you again Julia, hopefully it goes without saying that we absolutely love getting drawings like these, even if they will haunt our dreams until the end of time.

    As ever Julia's drawing takes its place along side the other works of art on the walls of Tolstoy's Hall of Fame.

  • 40. Climbing The Success Pyramid

    Do you want to be SUCCESSFUL?

    Do you want to be IMPRESSIVE, FAMOUS and ATTRACTIVE?

    Do you want to be heroically KILLED BY GRAPE SHOT?

    If the answer to any of these questions is 'YES I DO', 'PERHAPS' or 'NOT REALLY' then WAPIN7's Climbing The Success Pyramid is the hot new motivational book for YOU.

    Learn why the most successful people only ever wear denim, how epigrams can make you look smart, and how your pre-existing connections, influence and money can get you what you want.

    Don't wait - listen to this week's episode now and climb the pyramid today.

  • 39. War OR Peace?

    You know the saying, "War and Peace go together like birds of a feather".

    Birds have lots of feathers, you see, and a bird would not actually be legally called a bird if it had no feathers... Which is a lot like war and peace when you think about it. I mean, when you really think about it.

    Can you ever truly have peace without having some war? Does war inevitably always lead to peace? Is there a bird that exists in the wild without feathers, and if so, will it declare an unstoppable war?!

    We, like the Russian Generals, have absolutely no idea.

    *No birds were harmed (or even mentioned) in this episode.