Say goodbye to Season 3 because it's time for Season 4!
The war is having a well deserved holiday. It's tired from all the retreating and endless bouts of foggy mist and misty misty fog.
Even though we're far from the front lines of the actual war there is still a war... but this war is a war between rigid social norms and being honest to your feelings.
In a literal sense it's also a war between 'you' and 'thou' and may I say now that we have never been more confused by anything so far in the book.
Thankfully Vera and her army of mouth spiders are on hand to sort it all out.
It feels good to be back.
It's that wonderful time of the season... QUIZ TIME!
What can you remember from book 3 of War and Peace? It's time to don your finest velvet reading cape, pour a large glass of steaming hot beef tea and retreat deep inside your memory shed.
We've got questions about mailboxes, fog, the 1971 film Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory and of course some questions about book 3 of War and Peace: quotes, motivations, sayings and more!
There's even a surprise listener question.
There really is only one word left to say...
0 - 4 = Darren 3
5 - 13 = Darren 2
14 - 25 = Darren 1 (AKA The BEST Darren!)
It's the early 19th century and a handsome single chap with loads of dosh has moved in just round the corner. There's only thing to do: gossip.
Dust off your reading cape, iron your finest party hat and check the tires on your chaise because we're going to a party!
Who will do the most backflips? Which daughter will be the best at potentially being married? Who will put the evil Mr Darcy in his place?
There's only one way to find out...
We wanted it to be on. We waited for it to be on. Now it's actually on, and it might be better if it was off.
Can we change our minds?
Last week we were left desperately hanging from the literary cliff, and this week we're boldly letting go. Join us as we descend through the soup-thick fog in search of answers… Who is dead? Who is alive? Have we completely lost? Did Daddy ever make it to Disneyland? And most importantly of all - what happened to that small pond mentioned briefly several weeks ago?
We'll be answering some, all, or none of these questions this week. Don't miss it.
We'll be back with Book 4 on September 2nd, between now and then though we'll of course have a couple of special episodes for you:
August 12th - New book special
August 26th - Book 3 Catch-up Quiz
Have a great few weeks & we'll see you then! xx
Where once there was fog, or maybe dense mist, but probably definitely fog, now there lies smoke.
Like an incredibly dense super-fog, the smoke hides all it touches...
Has the averagely tall Napoleon's dastardly plan paid off? Is everyone dead? Will the Russians find their way out of this hyper-fog-mist-smoke-hybrid?
We'd be lying if we said it wasn't on.
It really, really, really is.
We're really, really, really sure now.
The fog was thick. Thick as a thick, thick bowl of fog soup.
Everywhere young Nicky Rostov turned he saw the dense white of the horrible thick fog. It was like being inside a pie made entirely of milk.
"Hello!" he shouted "It's me Nicky Rostov is anyone there?" The thick, milky fog consumed his words like a pack of pigeons around an unlucky chip.
"I'm here to fight the French... I'm not scared" he shouted, a little too loudly.
Just then, through the thick horrible milky white fog, he saw an even whiter thing, white and bright as if a lighthouse were sailing across the battlefield.
As Nicky drew closer he saw it for what it was - a single, impeccably white glove, drifting down from the high cliff.
How did this glove get here? Where were the French? WHY was there so much fog?!
A short excerpt from:
War and Peace 2: There Will Be Fog
By WAPIN7's Steve
Yeah we're doing this again...
We're sorry, OK!
We were so sure it was on before and so we said it was "on" but then it wasn't "on" and then this episode happened and at the end we were both like, "oh boy, it really is on now!"
To be honest we don't know if it's on.
We hope it's on.
We're so sorry if it turns out that next week it isn't actually on.
Nicky Rostov, aged 20½
16th November 1805
On a road near Wachau, Austria
Diary - I've simply got to tell you! Something incredible has happened. Are you ready??? I actually MET the emperor today, the real Russian emperor, and it was A-MAZ-ING!!!
Here's what happened... I was standing around on the road feeling MAD about not getting to do any fighting when suddenly everything slowed down. Everyone was quiet, and it was like the air was ON FIRE.
That's when I saw him. He was Majestic. Amazing. Majazing! Haha - it was like he was surrounded in white light and was hovering down the street like a big beautiful hummingbird without any wings. When he spoke it was like eating really amazing honey or just a whole LUMP of sugar!
And diary, I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, but he LOOKED into my EYES.
I nearly DIED.
OK it's my bedtime now, I'll tell you more tomorrow. I'm going to dream about the emperor! I love him!
Oompa loompa doompety doo
We've got a perfect chapter for you
Oompa loompa doompety doris
This one is sort of all about Boris
What do you get when you want a sweet job?
Stories of Emperor's dropping their stuff
Who is the short man shifty as hell?
Standing and staring, run but don't yell!
We don't like the look of it
These days we think nothing of receiving a sick gif from great grandma Bing, or a wicked TikTok from second uncle Pepe. There's no limit to the number of dope memes pinging live into our notification zones, hot and fresh from friends far and wide.
Back in 1805 though, Tikhon was the closest you came to TikTok, and if you wanted to see Count Rostov doing that funny dance, you had to knock on his door.
But that doesn't mean they had no excitement whatsoever, far from it. Join us this week as we pack ourselves into an envelope, pop on a stamp, and jump head first into the famous Russian mail system in search of high entertainment.
We'll be spanning the length and breadth of Europe delivering crucial information, scintillating gossip, and a double dollop of cold hard cash.
You can tweet-bomb that Office meme later - for now, listen to this episode.